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I emailed someone earlier today. I don't know if it was a smart move or not. More than anything, I feel stupid right now. Really stupid. So I emailed him, and I asked him if he wanted to come over in half term and hang out. I don't even know how he feels anymore, but I have to try right? Even if I've been down this road before, I think this time I do really, really want it, want this - want him.

Since I did break up with him, I've regretted it. Maybe I'm only now realising what a great guy I did actually have. All I know is, I didn't give him his worth, and I should of treated him better.

My two closest friends that I've told about this have different opinions. One says you can only try, the other isn't sure if it's a good idea, but they want me to be happy.

But is it worth it. I know this time round I'll be a bloody saint and do everything in my power to make it work, not that it wasn't working out last time.

And if anyone is wondering about Andrew, I'll be honest, I'm not that into him. And sure, he's sweet and lovely, but the closer I've got to him, he's not what I look for in a partner. He'd do my head in if we did try, and I've put a distance between us and not been flirty. I know he's got the general jist, because Ben came and asked me.

I know I really want this. I know that I haven't been able to get him out of my head since and I know that I've tried to ignore these feelings for god knows how many months and that I've been battling it out with myself. I have to remember though that as much as I like him, I can't force him - and I wouldn't, although I can try my damndest to convince him lol! But if he doesn't want it, he doesn't - and they'll be nothing that I can do .I think, I at least owe it to him to tell him how I feel, because if there is some small chance that he does want me back...I know that if I found out he does still have feelings for me, and I never told him I would kick myself forever because I'd never know if it would have worked out. I can only learn from this in the end, either way...

I know I'll be extremely blessed if this works out, and I'll be grateful 'til the end of my days - I know that much.

What am I babbling about though. I may still carry a torch, but at the end of the day, if he doesn't none of the above or my feelings mean anything as it is. All I can do is wait and see I guess...
Current Mood:
contemplative Contemplative
Current Music:
Pussycat Dolls - StickWitU
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[User Picture]
On March 25th, 2006 12:18 pm (UTC), zeenapunk commented:
hun, at the end of the day only you can make this decision, it's only you who knows if it's right or not, but personally, I'd argue that if you're not sure then it's not right and you're searching for something you need more and think you can get it from having a relationship with whoever this guy is and that may hurt you in the long run. You'll only have doubt if there's a reason for doubt, okay?
[User Picture]
On March 27th, 2006 03:53 pm (UTC), thepanicbegins replied:
You'll only have doubt if there's a reason for doubt, okay?

I agree with this.

But ye know what I think.

If you've got your mind set on it, I know no one can change it, I just don't want you to get hurt.

But like I said, you know how I feel about it.

Let us know x
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[User Picture]
On March 25th, 2006 01:31 pm (UTC), pumpkin_pastry commented:
It's not that I'm unsure that it'd work or if it's a good idea. I don't think I'm searching for something that I think I'll be able to get from a relationship. There's not a single doubt in me that's telling I'm looking for something I'll not be able to get. I'm going to sound spoilt lol but I know I want him, and I'm gonna try my hardest to get him without using force or blackmail (honest!!) =D
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